ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Randomize
