my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
