whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
