Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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