yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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