dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
