did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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