wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do vagina's smell?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
