i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
