you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
