my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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