ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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