my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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