Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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