Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
