Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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