i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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