he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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