he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
