some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
