he shaved USA in his pubs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
