I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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