i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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