You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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