I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
