There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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