She said her name was "party"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
