your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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