Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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