Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's JV to your varsity
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
