i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
