i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
