That's intense
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
