I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Randomize
