I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
