A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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