There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
