I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
