I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
two words: eviction party
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
