apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
