my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone came in the potted fern
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
