"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
