Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
