Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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