Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
