morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
