I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
