taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
