I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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