these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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