Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
